I had a conversation with my father-in-law on Sunday, and he said, “When the pain of living exceeds the pain of death.” It stuck with me. He used it to describe what his wife went through. Unfortunately, she died on Sunday. She was 83, and they had just celebrated 61 years of marriage.
We got a phone call at midnight Saturday night, and it was from the hospital. No one
calls you that late to say “hi,” right? Nanna’s passing was my kid’s first experience with
death. We don’t have a large family, and few in the U.S. Truthfully, it was also my first
experience as an adult. My father’s parents died I was very young. His mother, Donna,
died in Argentina, I was seven or eight years old, and I had only met her a few times. Her
husband, Bernardo, died in Israel, and I did spend some time with him, but I was only
four years old. I remember how he loved his mate.
I was closer to my mother’s parents—particularly my grandfather, Marcello. They would
visit from Chile every year. My grandmother, Eva, died in 2021 during Covid. The last
time I saw her was when my son was born, Marcel. Having family far away is hard.
That hasn’t been my kid’s experience. Their Nanna and Pappa lived with us for the last
one and a half years, and they got close to them. Pappa is still with us. And my parents
live 10 minutes away. But Nanna’s death was sudden, and it’s a shock they are still
processing. Kim, my wife, has done everything possible to help her mother over the past
few months, and I am sure this is affecting her the most. We are never ready to say
goodbye to our loved ones.
As my friend LD said, “as we enter the holiday season, it’s an excellent time to be aware
that life is much larger than the irritating problems we deal with daily.” As we depend on
our friends and family, “let us remember that we are empowered to change lives beyond
our present view for years. Appreciate who you are and what you are.” And hope that the
pain of living never exceeds the pain of dying.
Andres “Grateful” Mejer
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